Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
