White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
