Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
