The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
