Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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