I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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