I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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