I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
