she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
