I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize