You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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