I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
