my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
