Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
