I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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