Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
