i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
