How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
