I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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