ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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