Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
