I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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