do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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