i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
