I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think I just sharted jello shots
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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