But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
