What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
