You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
