Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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