So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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