The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
