I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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