Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
