so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
