my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The air taste purple.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
