question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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