just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
