I can tuck mytits in my pants
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
