When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
