we're chasing vodka with high fives
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
