When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
