She announced her abortion via fbk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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