i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
