You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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