I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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