you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
