I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
