Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
