Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
