duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
