I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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