I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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