my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
