I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
