yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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